Saturday, September 25, 2010

Dead end...

Look at me now. I am broken. Mentally and physically. But I still endure, the immense pain and pressure applied.

I spit on your dreams and principles and chose to retain my own. Filled with honor and ethics, principles that are obscure and skewed, saturated with vices and imperfections, they still remain higher and purer than yours.

You are rags; remnants of the use from a butcher attending a parturient woman, forcing a vile miscarriage and you are treated as such, day in day out. Deprived to the extreme of any meaningful aspect of life and living, mandated to live in a certain manner.

I am broken. I no longer chose to survive, not in your world. I despise you, your principles, your priorities and above all, your lies and deceptions. You dare think that I cannot see through them because I no longer choose to act against them. I cannot find peace; I now know that.

The dream is gone, fading as the time slips and drains through my fingers, agonisingly slow and granular, each grain gone a chance forgotten and an opportunity missed. I can no longer remember what I fought for. Alone, I stand and gaze around. Units in isolation look back at me, with a question, a query all over their face and deep in their eyes. Few, and far in between, as if strategically and tactically based from a master setter, purposely disrupting the flow of the trend, essentially being, and through their existence re-enforcing what they hate, by being alone.

Another dead end.

I see that; I feel the need to coil everyone around a pole of gravity… only to realise that we are firmly planted in our position, carefully weighted down with mundane and meaningless worries and constraints. Like quick sand, our trap is ingenious. We move to complain, to protest, to oppose and stand up against our demons, in an attempt to survive and escape our wrongly perceived reality. And in doing so, we further plant our selves deeper in the clutches of our trap.

A master trap.; a perverse conception of a mastermind with a planning horizon far deeper than most can even consider it exists. I feel like I am in a maze. And there is nothing worse than knowing you are in a maze; all you do then is trying to find the way out.


Staytrue said...

what a wonderful feeling,
my favorite part ... dean end...
enjoy it...

Attalanti said...

it's easier to know what one is not.

desire for change might be super extreme to some.

keep walking, keep falling, keep rising.