year end...

Time flies... I am lost in my past, dragged down in a nauseating spiral dive - one which I enjoy so much, but for the first time realise that I cannot afford it! I hate admitting it, but I have lost...

I have lost my will to roam aimlessly; I have lost the will to self-destruct in every opportunity I get... I now do it selectively, and I know its been pilling up for a while, so it is bound to be interesting when it surfaces... I pity the poor soul that will be around to witness and experience that... But then again they know where they were getting into in the first place...

I am bored...

Too much going on, some more important to me than others, all thinking that are more important than the other, and yet I am still bored... Nothing around to make my blood boil, to make my stomach crunch, to make me feel scared, to wake up old memories and habits...

I still have memories, but they fade out so so fast... I need to make new ones... I need a crew... I need partners in crime...

I need mayhem, confusion, chaos; the smell of fear and hate in the air is driving me mad...

All this tension, and yet no one has the balls to let it loose... And even when I try to do so... I get slapped on the hand!!!

This will get you that far... Tread carefully, two can play that game, and I do not like second.... is first looser...

Lost behind a pile of useless documents, books, accounts, bills, proposals and thoughts that are so scattered that it is a task simply to gather them all together, a task so tedious that it just wont happen. Lost in my own personal and very well crafted maze to figure out the best way out, into ...

What?

Imagine this: a chick is standing out an unhatched egg... The eggshell is cracking and the chick inside screams let me out!!! The chick outside is looking at it, looks around, and replies that this is out, and could it go back inside...

Confusion...

You want to win?
At what cost? What are you willing to sacrifice to win? How far will you go, and for how long will the victory and its taste get you going? How long before it is boring again, and a new weird scenario needs to be waved to keep you busy?

You want to win?
Its easy... Render your opponents weapons useless, ineffective...
Even if that means your pain and loss...
You will win...
I just don’t know if you will be alive to enjoy the victory...