...behind a wall...

You are standing infront of a massive wall. Its height and width extend as far as your eye can see. Unfortunately, the wall is not solid, nor transparent. It shifts. At times you are able to see through it, other times you are able to see a blur, definite that you see through, but what you are looking at is a big question. But mostly the wall is solid. So, after a while, although you have so much to do, other alternatives, you return to the wall. Undecided whether you want to experience what is on the other side. Unsure whether you want the wall down. Scared of the responsibility and the consequences. But all this time, you keep coming back to the wall. Why?

Is it to see if the wall is still up? Unharmed and solid? Perhaps to reassure that noone succeeded where you failed? Or worse... Make sure noone succeeded? Calm and sooth the fear and the uncertainty?

Or maybe to give it another shot in breaking through, or finding a crack, or a door to go through with a newly acquired knowledge?

Or to make sure that no cracks have formed? No weak spots? No possible points of entry or leek?

Whichever, mentioned or not, there is always a reason why we stand infront of such walls. There is always a reason. There is always a motive. There is always hope or despair. As a personal opinion, I always found it more useful to have a reason or a purpose, otherwise you will look back and consider all the time spent there as wasted.

But the real issue is this. On one occasion the wall breaks. There are cracks formed. Water is coming through... The cracks are getting larger and larger... It is a matter of time before the wall is shattered to peaces... And then you know... You have to choose. There is no right or wrong decision. There is no good or bad decision. There is only one. Which one?

The one you can live with...
The one that you can bear with. The one you can look yourself in the mirror, all alone, and smile back. The one that is most probably the harder to take and follow...

And you take it, far before the wall shatters. And you re-think it. You assess. You weight it. You wander. What if? Maybe that... Or should I? What if I don't like it? What if I was wrong?

And before you know it, the wall is down...

And at that point, you realize that the wall would never break if you weren't standing there all this time, secretly wishing that it did so, only because you wanted to find out what's on the other side. Nothing would have happened if you didn't want it to...

And it's that with which you must live with... This was your choice and action. Maybe not all befalls you, but you have responsibility. Learn to accept it and to deal with it before it is too late... The wall can be built again. You can't. Learn from your mistakes and move ahead...