Nostalgia

Returning in my past is an activity that I never indulged… However, lately it has become a part of my daily activities. I run into events, people, situations and places that I have struggled for a year now to overcome. Faces I have never seen before talk to me and tell me stories about me, which 9 out of 10 times are lies, only to realize what they have done and start approaching things in a different angle. Have I changed so much? Have I been so wrong in my estimations that I irreversibly destroyed my one and only chance for happiness? I re-evaluate things over and over and over again, and it always comes back to the same conclusion: I was not wrong then, and I am not wrong now, and I strongly believe that it will not be wrong in the future…

I recently read the book Imajica written by Clyve Barker. Somewhere between the lines it said that when people become nostalgic about something they become bitter and behave badly to those around them. And it clicked… Have I become nostalgic? Have I become bitter and resentful because I miss a time long forgotten? I wouldn’t dare say yes because then I would be following the easy way out. Simply stating that I miss something from my past doesn’t give me the right to hide behind cheap and ineffective excuses. It is easy to stand and say how things could be better, and how things were better once upon a time, while at the same time all I would be doing would be to remain as I was once.

I oppose and despise me for even thinking about it for a fraction of my time, for spending a miniscule part of time… And I loath every single one out there that pretends to agree with me, or think that all these crap I am writing are correct, when at the next minute, upon called to act on his/her word chickens out. I can deal with people not agreeing with me, I can understand those that think that what I am saying is absolutely insane and wrong, but I simply cannot understand those who pretend. They IRRITATE me… And I become hostile…

So, in summation, the issue of nostalgia is a vast area where people can find comfort, excuses, grips for advancement, grips for stagnation, and in general hide or confront. It should not be used, in my opinion, for excuses though… It is bad enough that people find excuses in every other part of their daily activities, the least they can do is leave this one intact… After all what do you think you do when you dream?

Nothing more than allowing your mind, the subconscious part of it that is – the one you do not control and still functions… - to travel, to remind you how things could be if we would only allow them to act freely and not as we are told… Try it; you will maintain that wonderful feeling even after the dream has stopped. And that is something we have all long forgotten…