Must come down...Inevitably! It is a strict law of nature...One that at times you can avoid, but never escape. And the higher you get before you fall, the longer and harder the fall and the recovery.
I always knew that this statement is true, and I always believed that it is something everybody must go through. Only...I never realized how tough it really is. I am only in the first year of undergoing the fall and I admit that I do not really struggle to stop it, or even break it, but the realization of how long it will be, how much pain I will experience, and how long (ignore tough!) the recovery will be before I get back up to the point I fell just hit me!
And then the really hard shit comes. I have to make a breakthrough and get higher, much higher. To be honest, this is not the first time I fall, but it is the first one I care about. And because I care, it becomes cumbersome. All of a sudden I' VA become defensive, I hold back - or at least I try - and I put significant effort to restrain myself. And not because of fear for the consequences, but because I lack the necessary prerequisites to satisfy the demands of the various events that fall on my path, or cross it.
And what's the use? In the end, all I manage is to fall further, lose my esteem because of falling further. And because I tend to state all things about me (good and bad, emphasizing on the bad - ok, negative - ones), people know. And because they know, they try to take advantage of it. And then I know. And then war starts. An endless, ruthless game of power. Lose here to double the winnings there, attack now to avoid a confrontation later, etc...Where does it all end?
In a simple, rational conclusion: either I will be respected or I will be feared. Don't ask me which one I prefer...I am too small in terms of power to choose fear and too honest to say respect. But in a magical, inexplicable reason people do exactly that; they either respect me totally, or fear me utterly.
It is because of that, that I am remembered by my peers only in times of trouble or hardship. It is then that they seek me and come...to ask me to come up with a solution, or share their problem and tell them what I would do. And then, in a fucking annoying way, they implement my way, my ideas and sell them off as their own, offering advise as well!!!.....And then it's war all over...
Rumbling on, I look back and ponder...Why do I babble on with no reason? Why don't I settle down and deal with my problems? The answer should be now apparent to you and is quite simple.
The longer and harder the fall, the longer it will take to reach the top,
and the longer it will take to fall down again.
I always knew that this statement is true, and I always believed that it is something everybody must go through. Only...I never realized how tough it really is. I am only in the first year of undergoing the fall and I admit that I do not really struggle to stop it, or even break it, but the realization of how long it will be, how much pain I will experience, and how long (ignore tough!) the recovery will be before I get back up to the point I fell just hit me!
And then the really hard shit comes. I have to make a breakthrough and get higher, much higher. To be honest, this is not the first time I fall, but it is the first one I care about. And because I care, it becomes cumbersome. All of a sudden I' VA become defensive, I hold back - or at least I try - and I put significant effort to restrain myself. And not because of fear for the consequences, but because I lack the necessary prerequisites to satisfy the demands of the various events that fall on my path, or cross it.
And what's the use? In the end, all I manage is to fall further, lose my esteem because of falling further. And because I tend to state all things about me (good and bad, emphasizing on the bad - ok, negative - ones), people know. And because they know, they try to take advantage of it. And then I know. And then war starts. An endless, ruthless game of power. Lose here to double the winnings there, attack now to avoid a confrontation later, etc...Where does it all end?
In a simple, rational conclusion: either I will be respected or I will be feared. Don't ask me which one I prefer...I am too small in terms of power to choose fear and too honest to say respect. But in a magical, inexplicable reason people do exactly that; they either respect me totally, or fear me utterly.
It is because of that, that I am remembered by my peers only in times of trouble or hardship. It is then that they seek me and come...to ask me to come up with a solution, or share their problem and tell them what I would do. And then, in a fucking annoying way, they implement my way, my ideas and sell them off as their own, offering advise as well!!!.....And then it's war all over...
Rumbling on, I look back and ponder...Why do I babble on with no reason? Why don't I settle down and deal with my problems? The answer should be now apparent to you and is quite simple.
The longer and harder the fall, the longer it will take to reach the top,
and the longer it will take to fall down again.
And when I do reach the top again, then it will be a last, final, terminal fall. It will be irreversible.
But for now.....fall...
After all....pain is only temporary
But for now.....fall...
After all....pain is only temporary
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