As I drive into beautiful Edinburgh and make my way to the hotel, I am overwhelmed by my own thoughts…
I look around, and the city is basking under the sun; rare as it may be, it is as beautiful and breathtaking as any sunny, beach resort. The impressive, yet natural mix of medieval buildings with modern touches grasps me; sending my soul to stories of old and my mind to wanders of new…
An old man, well in his sixties is standing tall, in a kilt outside the hotel…
Every breath you take by the Police is playing on the radio; every time I listen to this song I become nostalgic and reminiscent…
I dare ask him for directions, of all things I can’t find the parking. He gently and soothingly talks to me, in a deep Scottish accent and a deep gurgling voice. I cannot but smile and think that he is a man of patience and knowledge… I feel even worse about myself, and my choices…
As I park, I wander what else I have missed; how many more opportunities have I lost, whatever other wander have I overlooked in my monotonous and limited approach to life?
A group is glancing at me, and yet again I feel my age, more cumbersome than it should, worse than it is, yet in full effect. It is not my perception that is wrong; it is my interpretation that messes the balance. They smile, and I wander if it is a pleased or a mocking smile. Dwell not; move on…
I almost have tears in my eyes. The energy of this beautiful country always gets me. And it always reminds me that I am weak and that I have lost…
I go to my hotel room. A posh, semi luxurious room, smelling nice, clean and surprisingly dry… As I look out of the window of the room, a rotten feeling, a sinking sensation of despair grasps my soul.
I am laughing as I observe the lock on the window room; apparently, under corporate social responsibility, the hotel cannot have anyone committing suicide and risking the lawsuit of a fall from an un-attending window!
I hate all, everything and above all myself. I am exactly what is wrong in this world.
Someone that knows, understands, can make a difference yet chooses to be part of the system hiding behind the pretexts of “resource” constraints, lack of ability to sustain without the system’s embrace and worse of all, someone with no faith…
I guess they were right, the window was a good idea…
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