Ignorance

I wander if many know how it is to live in fear…
To live in fear caused by knowledge… driven and verified by experience… Ignorance is bliss… But no one can achieve ignorance…

Fear… of acknowledging emotions, of expressing ideas, of hurting feelings… Fear of causing pain. Fear of insulting someone’s beliefs, fear of proving someone wrong… Fear of being an outcast, fear of being part of the group… Anywhere you look there is a constant trade off, a constant reminder of things that should not be done in a certain way because there may be a caveat…

I don’t like fear, yet I live with it everyday…

I do not allow myself to be as I want, as I like, out of pretentious respect to others; others that would never return the favor, others that will never go out of their way to not insult me, to not take advantage of me… Leeches… sucking my blood, sucking my energy with a master mind plan, well hidden behind everyday activities… And where in an other world, in my dream world these would have been hanged from their feet and HIV positive terminal patients would scull fuck them for pleasure so others could learn from their mistakes, today I need to bend over and spread my legs, open wide and moan with pleasure, only because there is no plausible alternative…

So be it… Friends no more… To secure peace is to prepare for war…

And as in all cases, if you force any living creature, no matter how low it lies in the food chain, to the edge it will fight for survival, so will I… I will fight for the survival of my mental (fractured and sick as it may be) health… I will fight with any means necessary, and if I have to, I will take shelter in my own little world, where I cannot hurt you, and you cannot touch me... simply because you would not dare even look twice there, let alone enter for a split of a second…

You see, my world is full of pain, agony and lust… And as a prerequisite, you need to loose your mind and shed your ethical and moral limitations before you go through that portal… sure you can re-assume them afterwards, but only once you’ve been through…

Once I told you that humans cannot stand being naked in front of each other, not unless it is pitch dark or they have spent enough time to build confidence (or fail-safes), because they will need to be in terms with themselves to do so…

I can walk naked down the road… Will I be allowed to do so?