Self-imposed

...I am scared...
I reach out with all my senses and put as much effort as possible... I try to feel something... I try to show a calm and approachable side... And it is when I think I have succeeded that I have failed miserably...

Solitude...
A self-imposed prison, that I have struggled for so long to get rid off....
Only to find out that with each and every single one attempt that failed, I got drawn in even deeper...

Change of plans...
If I cannot escape it, then I might as well put some effort in it to make it a golden cage...

One I will never have to share, simply because no matter how nice a prison looks and feels, it is always a prison, and it is never wanted even when offered...

If this doesn't qualify for self-punishment, then I don't know what does...

Now, if only I could find out for how long I need to administer it...