Thoughts darting from subject to subject... Following paths and ways that were unknown and on more than one occasion unimaginable... The rocking of the tube and the constant change of people and images was helping to further isolate from the alleged reality and draw back inside with an ever grater intensity... Maybe in the past this was a problem, a serious deficiency, one which didn't allow for concentration. But when there is nothing to concentrate on, or there is nothing to keep focused on for any reason that you yourself want, then why not dive into what remained unknown?
Appearing as lost, having glassy eyes, shiny but empty, offering no expression, no feelings; in the constant fear of giving away your thoughts, and as a result being mocked for them, or even worse mock the thoughts. There was always a choice there, but the easy one - giving away so easy - was no fun. It never occurred that people would be eventually scared... Nor that they wouldn't put the effort to look through...
Thoughts dart in any direction... How to break one's mind in so many pieces, maintain control over them, understand what they see, feel, smell, hear and at he same time appear sane and coherent? How can you do it?
Yet another second went by, wasted, like so many others before it - and so many more after it...
Is it futile? Is it in vain? Is it just a game?
This is mine, I'll have to change here...
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